Just me now.

I think it has been the back of my mind for many weeks already.

This may come as a shock.I am actually quite happy & sad. Part of me feels it’s a pity but I think it is only fair to have someone return back love to u.

I take so much but I have given stringent amounts in return. And it has always been me. I have found someone who is willing to put down his pride and accept my flaws and make me the priority in his life.

but i don’t love him as before. what a fucker I am.

I wonder am I being too used to having all of his attention that I take him for granted. Or I am just obliged to behave according to habit? There are so many ‘I’ in this entry.

there are so many things that doesn’t tally to what I say or do or even what people see.

but arrgh what a pity.

I cancelled my appt at tts, as I realised someone out there needs it more than me. Also, I would definitely NOT open up to a stranger.

I am thankful for now. The night air has never smelled so promising.

my last outing with bf.

rain rain rain

Must be basil.

let me do a Mulan. I can’t bear to let u go

.fuck the nation.

Loch

latest update so far was that I cut my hair MYSELF on the 23rd June. I did a good job! I thought it wasn’t that obvious till zw saw me the next day & went omgz, it’s a big change.

but now my fringe is all long and ghastly.

well, other than that. work has been leaving me ‘hard’ and dry. Nice & helpful colleagues but temperamental boss. If he’s happy, he will joke & give u a smiley face if he’s not, hoho, all hell break loose.

initially, I thought Raffles City would be a strategic location for nobody. But when the crowds come, they won’t spare you. every 2 steps u take, they want sizes and stupid opinions.

and honestly for such an atas location, i think some of the customers really are illiterate and uncouth.they can’t read simple english such as 2nd piece-50% off.

they choose to believe everything is half price. -.-

the 2nd day I wrked, my boss had some weird illness that cause his hand to swell up and become red. a few days ago, Edison fainted at the mrt. Needless to say, I just threw up water & unidentified brown thing ytd.

and poo-ed muddy water.

what a bad first time full-timer experience. talk abt wrkin for 10 days straight, when I lasted barely 7 days.

how i wish i was a kid again. I have so many things in mind, I don’t even know when to start.

hey wait, I know. but this time round, I want to tell everyone that I dun need to hear politically right answers.

the appt is at the 7th, I know im not going. Why shld I open up and confide in a total stranger? or the question is do I even want to be help?

i have to be in that particular mood before I can speak.

2 people seems to be in my shoes right now.

it finally hit me that why some ppl rely on bfs more than friends.for me, it means that they will be by ur side almost 24/7 whereas friends dun really.

im not sayin friends are nt there for u. but mostly of the time, they are with other friends and if u date them out, they say im with my poly friends/ with blah blah.

i guess ur bf puts u in priority.

for now.

will be working till tuesday. That’s six days consecutively. And im nt sure whether im off on wed. =/

im trying to be optismistic but it’s hard. I want to get the best of both worlds. infact, maybe all worlds.

I’ve been trying to priortise. who and what comes first for now.

I have only one day off a week, it’s pathetic. I get released at 6.30pm earliest and 10.30pm latest. One of the full-timers has quit, Edison soon during july for Laselle, Jane is pregnant. so needless to say the shop is short-handed. so that’s why i am still in the game after 11 days of mc.

it’s obvious that my colleagues are feeding me. i’ve been working for 3-4 days but im trying to be a spoonge to absorb what info they give me.

to be frank, i’ve thinkingg of quitting as I dun really have the interest in executive wear but beggrs can’t be choosers now. plus the pathetic one day off a week.

zw will be enlisting in July, so im really trying to squeeze whatever available time for him now. when I go home, im quite beat. the shop is quite okay u know, it’s only busy during lunch and off-wrk times but sometimes there are only 3 ppl to tend the shop.

i reall wish I can spend more time with my mother and my friends. but money is the priority for now, to pay my hospital bills and so. pls do not accuse me for nt spending time with your. because for now, i must get my priorities on track before enjoying myself.

this isn’t the time to get fed-up and give up but if we could squeeze a lil time & organise, maybe things would be better. i love my sexys. pls do nt forget me, debra is on a mission. ”Ke Wu D”!

Sharlem

morning was a joke. But thank god everything went well, I offered to write the report. I sincerely wanted to write. I find it hard to say but easier to write.

Din expect what we learned from sec.sch and business comm to be applied to this situation.

me and zw were drenched in the rain.i feel guilty for bringing him along. I had to work 4 hrs later but luckily nt sick. I might be potentially the blurest girl ever to step foot there.

while running errands at work, I saw the girl of full-clothes bs!! she has the best shoes, too bad we were at opposite sides of the escalator. I want her shoes! yet today, my toes were screaming in agony, my fourth toe.

i emerged myself into packing colthes into the sizing bags, My colleague asked me whether I was bored. but strangely enough, I quite enjoyed it. I think I just like to ”fang kong” and hands are moving w/o much thinking.

nearly 1am now. I GOT BIG NEWS FOR U GUYS!

CHEERS SELLING RUFFLES CHEESE FOR $2.95! THE BIG PACK ONE! I just had to buy one to cong yi cong myself for myy 2nd day in wrk.

the offer includes Doritoes too. i forgot the validity tml i check. =O

dunno why i feel like i blog like rachel this entry,lol. miffy jie jie.

Beam

I regret wrking full time now. But I embrace being busy.

I regret nt wrking the last 3 mths but hey all the shit has to reveal itself sooner or later.

if I had one wish now, is to go to bed anticipating the next day & nt dreading tml. move on,bitch.

what a funny cycle. people tellingg debra hey africian children lead a worse life than u. suck it up. debra telling others to stop whining as she herself is in a worse situation.

actually it isnt so bad. Im still intact. i have 10bucks in my wallet/ im a pretty girl/ i still can blog here.

maybe I shld stop being a hypocrite already.

Life’s a Beach + Udders

It’s better to soak in some sunshine and spend time with friends. We were at the Siloso Beach for the 987beach concert event” Life’s A Beach’!. It was sponsored by Nivea & Kotex.

so needless to say, u can see Giant Tampons & sissy boys giving away kotex. Haha, we thought in order to get the goodie bag, we had to complete some obstacle course.

went to play twister/ wrote some weird secret on tags (for a record-breaker for the most most secrets on balloons release to the air) , mine was stupid, ” I have a penis.”

Got lucky & hoop a sunblock lotion. Played a wild surferboard thing. omg I lasted barely 5 secs. A young ah moh girl stayed there for abt 20+ secs. she told me to bend my knees so I could balance well.

anyway, we gt the goodie bag

-pads of course

-vouchers

-miniature drawers

-manicure stickers

and my loots were lanyard, blackberry screen wiper( if only it was the real deal) some guy won it easily. Threw a volleyball to hit a certain distance.

the balloons at the back waiting to be release.

got to see 987 DJS, i heard Rosalynn’s voice but didnt see her. =( Shan wee was overrated,, he looks kind of pudgy to me. but needless to say the girls love him.

gis went to meet her friends. Aizhen & I queued for an 1 hours just to bathe. erxin,inconsiderate girls hogged the 4 showers for so loong.

and the most wtf thing was that we had our periods. I was just telling them almost consecutively 6 times i always had my periods when gg to sentosa.Lucky for the kotex event huh.

headed for some icecream which Jay & Zw has been raving abt.

really nice & cheap for a generous amt of scoop. I had some snickers mars vanilla something. it was really chunky. While the others had mango sherbet,lychee martini/baileys/cherrybomb. omg i so dun like itinerary posts. Im sturggling to rem.

hope more ppl can join us next time round.start work tml. mixed feelings. =/

Addicted to bass.

lately, Naomi has been really improving but she still gets on my nerves. Trust me, I seem to be the scene of crime for her berserk time of the night.

looks like i mutilate myself or drew myself by marker. erxin cbk had to claw me (accident) while leaping like one siao char bo on the table to the window.

she has finally allowed us to pat her constantly, though she appears somehow coy & snappish afterwhich. Naomi has also a new habit which is starring at me.

as though she is giving me an appraisal. I supposed she thinks Im emotionally unstable. One minute, I laugh & love her with treats & pats and the next moment, Im brooding over a newfound topic

the beginning of today was sucky. I woke up barely 10 minutes only to be fuck upside down. There were like 4 misunderstandings and I bloody could not be bothered to even explain myself.

WHY?

because she thinks it’s excuses or weak defences. Or im just trying to cover my ass by saying. So I was silent all the way. I know it’s unfair to her that people are judging her as well. But I think momentarily I lost a basic freedom of speech. a freedom of expression.

humji to the core.

then we pretended everything was fine after 15 minutes when she got back. I think I’ve been excelling in that. to reassure myself & everything things are quite well. maybe for that moment.

ok stop whining. many people are going through worse than me, I am feeding on these people miseries to feel better. woo~ Im really psyched for work. maybe some of my colleagues will dislike me cos they are already shorthand & I had to land myself in this shit. or maybe Im thinking too much.

but really I need to invest my time in something else, instead of the hazardous workings of my mind.

im crazy.

upadate pics tml or sun.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

boom doom

after that incident, I get drained easily . Things aren’t looking very well. I try not to allow bad emotions to overcome me but sometimes it does. Have to cry every night before I sleep.

pathetic. I wonder how serious the depression is. I wonder why i become Jean Grey  & have spilt personality  when I am alone after 12.

The dreaded appointment is at July 7. most probably ask stupid qns and I have to answer politically right answers in order not to be detain. But Im pretty confident there will be a follow-up duh.

I can think sensible thoughts but my actions never tally with them.

it is still a shock to me how so many things can happen & how much I have changed in a few months. U know I had really silly thoughts that if I could carry out that,, I could carry out anything & be successful.

And after that incident, I realise no one can keep secrets. ur close friends or boyfriend or fuckshit. I think they don’t really bother abt how I would have feel at that point of time. Afterwhich, the damage is done. I am not angry I am just disappointed. that is worse than angry, disappointment lingers.

At times I don’t wish to express myself because I know things won’t go my way & I don’t even bother trying.

It amuses me sadly to see a simple meet-up get blown up into like this. I thought my feline was sneaky already man. I want to say something childish & very unlike me here but nah. ask me in person if u are one of the round table girls.

skipping to another topic, I have been dreaming of Holidays for MONTHS. obviously, i want it. someone just gimme money.even across the causeway, I would be happy.

debra= easily happy. over some things.

as cliché as it sounds, maybe my biggest enemy is myself. so funny. I used to laugh & condemn those ppl but turns out I am them. But some of them succeeded but I didn’t.

i think this entry isn’t very hard to decipher. But really if u are concerned for me, then love me more by showing it. If im not uncomfortable with sharing with u then dun ask.

i sound like a pent up bitch which I am. i wanna go and eat hot & spicy calbee le.bye.

ps: thks py for the mp3. music was a good companion for me that time. and I like most of ur songs choice. if im nt wrg one was from eterenal sunshine of the spotless mind. breathe? by sia.

pps: i look highly anxeoric now. i lose Xkg within a month. but im not! I love oily fried stuff. But I enjoy lookin at some of their blogs. not to mock them but I like seeing a wide variety of foods in small portions.

plus. it comforts me to see my own size. pretty & hideous simulateaously.

Prying eyes

i hope news will never reach to u because u probably twist & turn facts and spread to 8 other ppl. And tell them to keep it a secret.

so weird.

i think u need some action in ur life instead of putting ur life into others =/

sometimes I would like a penis.

Read this  http://holly–jean.blogspot.com/2009/06/sex-how-soon-is-too-soon-or-too-late.html

i like holly alot. It’s hard to find a pretty & smart blogger that doesn’t flood the whole blog with her makeup loots & 3 fixed angles face. I guess she writes things that make me ponder.

my take on sex is

don’t lose the novelty of it.

It doesn’t really matter THAT much before or after marriage. Well, because maybe even after marriage, u will still lose out by other factors besides intimacy.

When our mothers told us to protect our lovely holes, maybe they wanted to believe that the earlier u did it, the more chances he has to be bored. And of course the whole idea of being ‘clean’ for your husband.

I think it isn’t really very fair to women. Guys need not be too worried about being a virgin before or after marriage. Why? because they have the magical stick or maybe they have to guide their wives during the night they consummate their marriage?

once again, my opinion is to have ahem ‘variations’ when it comes to sex. Because the worst thing to happen is to be bored.

Protected: The password is my bed ward number. i love being anal =)

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have u notice the beautiful full moon ytd night. Misty Moon? have u notice the lovely sunrays that seam through ur window in the morning but everyone says it’s too hot lately.

people take so long to realise the simplicities of life. everyone is not and never will be contented.

life is so unfair. I had shrewd suspicions but nv saw results that confirmed it. And then on my birthday. It screamed back to my face. the feeling is perversely priceless.

We are taught to be good, to reap credit so we can have a good life.

bullshit.

truely bullshit.

be prepared for ugly & unexpected happenings in life. how to be prepared?! i hate the circumstances now. but it’s okay man. everything will be over in a couple of hours.

i am a coward. because a long time ago, i have stop taking care of myself.

f

she’s giving her love & joy to everyone. but the more she does it, the more I cry.

because God is taking away someone so mightly fine.

fuck u.