after that incident, I get drained easily . Things aren’t looking very well. I try not to allow bad emotions to overcome me but sometimes it does. Have to cry every night before I sleep.
pathetic. I wonder how serious the depression is. I wonder why i become Jean Grey & have spilt personality when I am alone after 12.
The dreaded appointment is at July 7. most probably ask stupid qns and I have to answer politically right answers in order not to be detain. But Im pretty confident there will be a follow-up duh.
I can think sensible thoughts but my actions never tally with them.
it is still a shock to me how so many things can happen & how much I have changed in a few months. U know I had really silly thoughts that if I could carry out that,, I could carry out anything & be successful.
And after that incident, I realise no one can keep secrets. ur close friends or boyfriend or fuckshit. I think they don’t really bother abt how I would have feel at that point of time. Afterwhich, the damage is done. I am not angry I am just disappointed. that is worse than angry, disappointment lingers.
At times I don’t wish to express myself because I know things won’t go my way & I don’t even bother trying.
It amuses me sadly to see a simple meet-up get blown up into like this. I thought my feline was sneaky already man. I want to say something childish & very unlike me here but nah. ask me in person if u are one of the round table girls.
skipping to another topic, I have been dreaming of Holidays for MONTHS. obviously, i want it. someone just gimme money.even across the causeway, I would be happy.
debra= easily happy. over some things.
as cliché as it sounds, maybe my biggest enemy is myself. so funny. I used to laugh & condemn those ppl but turns out I am them. But some of them succeeded but I didn’t.
i think this entry isn’t very hard to decipher. But really if u are concerned for me, then love me more by showing it. If im not uncomfortable with sharing with u then dun ask.
i sound like a pent up bitch which I am. i wanna go and eat hot & spicy calbee le.bye.
ps: thks py for the mp3. music was a good companion for me that time. and I like most of ur songs choice. if im nt wrg one was from eterenal sunshine of the spotless mind. breathe? by sia.
pps: i look highly anxeoric now. i lose Xkg within a month. but im not! I love oily fried stuff. But I enjoy lookin at some of their blogs. not to mock them but I like seeing a wide variety of foods in small portions.
plus. it comforts me to see my own size. pretty & hideous simulateaously.
3 Comments
June 20, 2009 at 7:29 pm
I wanted to leave a comment after reading this the other night. But I ended up crying on bed so didn’t type anything..
I just want to say I realize Im having the same problem as you, but weird thing is that it didn’t occur to me that I’m actually facing the same thing as you.
I wont say its very serious… but when it gets after 12, somehow or rather the things that I think about affect me greatly more than how I reacted in the day.
then I end up typing rubbishes and unfinished lines (as u can see on my LJ. if im good with words i write all out. if not, I leave sentences by sentences). After I write them out, the thing still affects me and I go to bed crying -.-
and I prefer crying because it made me feel better. then after that when I wake up, I forget about what happened or rather, I dont get too sad about it UNTILL the night comes. Unless the thing has already been settled.
I know that I will be fine in the morning. so that is one thing I feel I am lucky with. Sometimes I scare myself why am I like this because it will seem abit sadistic for oneself to keep telling herself to ‘just cry it out’. Futhermore all along, I only had myself to calm myself down. eeek.
I dont know how good is it for me to tell u all this.. but I just felt like letting u know, u’arent alone in this world
Probably when there are nights you are not sleeping well, I am probably not sleeping either.
pms is a bitch. LOL.
I know comments are moderated so I bravely type this. hhehe. delete if u want, show it u want ^-^
see u very sooon my chiobu unisex.
June 21, 2009 at 4:49 am
mmmm. but lately things are getting seriously. it’s not even abt crying at nights. I guess it’s really unfair to zw as I vent my frustrations out but in the end, we end up quarrelling.
then again, I get really two-faced after 12.
and it is so bad that I need to see a u know what. I dunno if u heard the bad news yet. when I feel better & comfortable maybe i will say out but for now, i just want to meet up & laugh like mad.
thks for sharing.super longg compo comment. maybe the best solution is just to be tired & nt to think but is so hard. lol.
muacks.
July 15, 2009 at 9:52 am
read your post, and hey, been there, done that. I’m not afraid to say i used ruler or sharp comb to ‘draw’ on my arm before, i banged my head on walls repeatedly, and i ever sit on the window sill with my legs dangling out.
I know how it all feels. ^^ No i’m not proud of it, but its nothing shameful thats for sure.
Jiayou. U’re braver than brave and u can win this war. :]